Mary V. Borhek was a member of the New Testament Church, an independent charismatic
congregation in Eden Prairie, Minnesota, when she discovered that her
son Steve Lenius was gay. This was in 1975. In accordance with the beliefs of
her congregation, she felt strongly that homosexuality was a sin. Over the
next three years, Mary learned much more about homosexuality, and her beliefs
changed.
At the time of learning about her
son's homosexuality she tape recorded what was happening, believing that she
would eventually write a book out how one gay man--her son--had been prayed
straight. She began the book, but as time went on and her beliefs changed, it
became a book about how she had learned to accept her gay son without wanting to
change him. The book was published in 1979 by The Pilgrim Press as My Son
Eric. Because Mary did not know how the book would be received, she changed
everybody's name except her own--which is her birth name--to give her family
privacy and protection. Over time, Steve (Eric) has come out unequivocally, and
has acknowledged that he is Eric. My Son Eric has recently been
reprinted in a revised and expanded edition, bringing Mary and Steve's story up
to the 21st century.
In 1983 The Pilgrim Press
published Mary's second book, Coming Out to Parents: A Two-way Survival
Guide for Lesbians and Gay Men and Their Parents. This was updated in 1993
with various revisions and an added chapter for gay men, lesbians and their
families dealing with AIDS.
In 1978-1979 Mary was
active in Families of Gays and Lesbians in Minneapolis/St. Paul, a forerunner of
PFLAG (Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays). She was also editor of the
monthly newsletter of the smaller organization. From 1982-1983 she was a member
of the advisory committee of Wingspan, a ministry with and on behalf of gay men,
lesbians, bisexuals and transgendered persons and their families, sponsored by
St. Paul-Reformation Lutheran Church in St. Paul. In addition, Mary spoke to
about 200 gay/lesbian organizations, PFLAG groups, and church groups at
many places throughout the United States, as well as being interviewed on radio
and TV and presenting workshops.
In 1986 Mary was invited to present a paper, "Helping Gay and Lesbian Youth
Deal with Their Families," at the Symposium on Gay and Lesbian Adolescents,
sponsored by the University of Minnesota Institute of Continuing Education in
Adolescent Health Care. The following year this paper was published in the
Journal of Adolescent Health Care.
In 1993, after moving to Bethlehem, Pennsylvania, Mary founded Sanctuary, a group
within the Moravian Church for gay/lesbian/bisexual/transgendered persons.
In her earlier life Mary had been the office manager, assistant editor, and
staff writer for The Moravian, the denominational weekly publication of
the Moravian Church (now a monthly), and for the monthly publication The
Moravian Missionary (now discontinued). She also wrote a number of articles
for other religious publications. From 1951-1971 she was married to a Moravian
minister and served congregations in North Dakota, Wisconsin, Illinois and
Minnesota. The marriage ended in divorce. Although at the time this seemed
to be the worst thing that could have happened to her, Mary has learned and
grown in many ways that would not have been possible had the marriage held
together. A few lines from My Son Eric say it all: "The
sufferings through which I have passed have not been wasted. They have
been stepping -stones to fuller, more outgoing living."
(This biographical statement provided by Mary Borhek.)